Hurricane Ike

We made it. We're not in Galveston, but if you've been watching the news you know that there was really no where to hide from the storm.

None of us have power. I'm currently hanging out in a trailer my employer has placed in the back of one of our locations.

Obviously I don't know when we'll be up and running again. Lord willing we'll have a sequence for September, but as you can guess us and the rest of Southeast Texas will be focusing on getting things back up and running.

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Labor Day Edition

After gorging ourselves on diet coke and homemade pizza we drop Dance of the Dead in the cd player. It doesn't take long to hear "goddess" uttered and then us to take a sip of Newcastle. I remember that this seems to take place after the Plague Herds of Excelis but since we'd have to listen to the whole series we settle for just being slightly befuddled when Benny complains about Iris.

Matthew Brenher comes onto to the scene as Grand Marshall Sstac and Tim quickly picks up that Brenher was in Red Dawn.

Things start blowing up, Benny keeps uttering "goddess", and we start getting drunk. Benny and Sstac end up accidently inhaling some crystal memories from the Colgarians.

Me: I do that sometimes as well.

Tim and Angelie start doing Ice Warrior impersonations as Azzar and Karter try to fix things on the ship.

Tim: It was much worse in the 60's and 70's. They drew every "s" out then.

Benny talks about digging up Martian tombs but forgets to mention going back to Mars for a conference and reading of xeno-porn. Then they start calling each other different names and things start getting really weird. Apparently the stuff they snorted is manifesting themselves through visions generated by the memories of the Colgarians.

We think Benny said shit and then we do various impersonations of Ice Warriors saying shit. Apparently though Benny is the Fonz as she beats a lift into submission to take them to level 10. But her mojo isn't as good since as soon as they get inside the lift starts acting up again.

Sstac goes back to his Colgarian persona and tries to get Benny to hook up with him. Then Benny gets into the act as well. It seems the Colgarian couple had some issues and were rather dysfunctional. A bitch slap later knocks sense into Benny. Eventually they get out of the lift and have a little heart to heart as they're climbing up the shaft.

Azzar is calling on the hounds of hell to kick some ass for the ship being attacked. Benny and Sstac get on to the bridge and this is where things go all Edward Albee again. Azzar ends up slamming her fist in a console, killing herself.

A crap ass plot twist shows up as we learn Karter is really alive and a thief. He's cleared a way to the shuttles which of course gives Benny and Sstac a way off the ship as it's careening towards a satellite. Benny reminds Karter that he's got some precious jewels between his legs. The shots to the family jewels doesn't completely work though as Sstac ends up going over again to his Colgarian persona and gets shot by Karter. Insert tender moments as Colgarian Benny says goodbye to Colgarian Sstac.

Me: That's kind of a lackluster ending.

Tim just shrugs. I don't know how to feel about the ending. I like how she tried to emotionally connect with the Ice Warrior. Maybe it was just the beer but that was the easiest part to follow, their other relationship.

Next up is The Spectre of Lanyon Moor with Colin Baker as the Sixth Doctor and Maggie Stables as Evelyn Smythe. We meet up with Scryfan and Sancreda.

Tim: Sancreda sounds like Sylvester McCoy with a cold.

Sancreda apparently is left behind by Scryfan.

Tim: E.T.! Phone home!

There's a great debate whether going one way for breakfast or the other to check out some ancient tunnels.

Me: He's passing up breakfast?

The Brigadier shows up on the scene.

Me: Ya!!!

The Brig laments the lack of coffee:

Tim: There's no coffee coming if you're expecting the womenfolk to make it. I'm still holding out hope that he'll appear in the show with Tennant.

The Doctor and Evelyn meet up with the upstart archaeologist not named Benny and get an offer of breakfast.

Tim: I'm impressed she's more excited about breakfast than he is.

Professor Morgan is a grumpy old man who's not down with technology in the field of archaeology. The Doctor and Evelyn show up and meet up with The Brig.

Tim: Is the Brigadier fishing for tail?

Me: I think Evelyn is fishing for booty.

Tim: It's ashame this wasn't on tv. This might be the best of these "first meetings" between the Doctor and the Brigadier.

Evelyn begs for breakfast as the Doctor wants her to help with research.

Me: Damn, she's all about breakfast.

Ludgate asks if he can get the Doctor and the Brigadier anything before he leaves.

Tim:(as the Doctor) Breakfast? The Doctor isn't used to anyone being so good at research since Sarah Jane. I'm liking Colin Baker as the Doctor much better in the audios than on the TV. Maybe it's because I'm not distracted by his coat. And probably because he's got a companion he's not bickering with. Not that Peri was dumb, but with Evelyn he's got someone that's just as interested in history as he is.

Evelyn makes a new friend who ends up getting eaten by what sounds like a bunch of gremlins. She's recovering back at the institute and Ludgate offers to get her some tea. She asks for hot chocolate.

Me: (as Evelyn) And some biscuits?

The Doctor bitches out Professor Morgan and then Evelyn makes him apologize. He proceeds to suck up to Morgan asking for his expertise as an archaeologist.

Me: Because he doesn't have Benny handy.

Tim: He hasn't met Riversong yet.

Evelyn makes the world's worst cat burglar as she gets busted by Sir Flint after sneaking back into his home. Then we get the baddie giving exposition section of the audio as he explains why he's doing what he's doing. Evelyn's not the greatest prisoner as all the she can toss back is that Flint is nuts. Eventually Evelyn escapes and meets up with Ludgate. She goes through a series of things that Flint has done to her.

Me: She can't do the list of horrible things to have happened to her like Lisa can as Benny.

Meanwhile the Doctor and the Brigadier are trying to stop Morgan's housekeeper who's being controlled by the gremlins.

Evelyn and Ludgate go back to Flint's house and my lightbulb goes on just before Evelyn's does regarding Ludgate working for Flint.

Morgan's housekeeper, Moynihan, releases Sancreda. He talks about getting revenge after 18,000 years.

Me: That's some serious amount of hate and discontent built up.

The hate and discontent proves to be wasted as we learn that Sancreda actually killed Scryfan 18,000 years ago. The Brigadier proves once again how much of a man he is by taking Sancreda on mano e mano. Honestly, the Brigadier is the man's man.

From Classic Who's Man Man we move to Benny and her own Man's Man, Jason Kane who are joined by Brax and Adrian in the season three finale The Mirror Effect.

Me: Let the mind cruk begin!

We're dropped into the middle of the action as Jason and Benny emerge through a mirror. We also learn that Benny might have a taste for SM as she notes with a bit of glee the architecture. Brax and Adrian arrive at some other place, also taking Jason's name in vain. It doesn't take them long to find the first body.

Benny and Jason have a fight over whether or not Jason should touch things and whether or not he's her sidekick. Benny then fires up a console.

Me: So it's okay for Benny just to randomly touch shit but not Jason?

Tim: She's a professional random...button...toucher.

Brax and Adrian recover some logs that show that something nasty happened at the site. Meanwhile Dr. Carnivel attacks Jason and Benny only stopping when Carnivel draws blood. Then insert some classic Benny/Jason comedy as she backhand thanks him for saving her and then jabs at him while asserting her position of authority in pricking Jason to Carnivel. Add in a dash of exposition as Carnivel explains that Benny and Jason were actually leading an expedition that Carnivel was a part of but that Benny and Jason don't remember.

Mirror Benny shows up starts accussing Brax of engineering her getting knocked up by Adrian to use Peter in the Collection. Adrian arrives to shatter Mirror Benny. They try to race down into the planet to save Benny and Jason.

Meanwhile Benny is about to do something stupid and go through the mirror again, against Jason's advice. Carnivel ends up pushing Benny through the mirror and Adrian arrives, jumping through it. Jason admits to being scared and not trusting what's on the other side of the mirror.

Me: Jason's thinking smart.

Tim: Yep.

Jason gets the brush off from Brax regarding any past experience Brax has had with the mirror. He then hears Mirror Benny crying out for him and he rushes to her. He gets a bit of wish fullfillment as Mirror Benny tells him that she loves him, that Peter is a part of him. They kiss a few times until she morphs into Adrian. Insert fight scene ala' Amok Time until Jason destroys Mirror Adrian via his anger. Carnivel arrives all impressed with his use of the force. Then Jason gets all nine kinds of dead sexy vocally as he asks Carnivel if Benny has really told her just how much they love each other.

Tim: (as Jason) Did she tell you about how we got married and had all these Doctor Who characters as our guests?

Jason slowly slips into madness as he reasons that the only way to fix things is to blow the mirror up. He'd rather kill Benny then let her live and possibly hook up with Adrian.

Me: Here's Johnny!

Benny is on the run and ends up facing four mirrors, Mirror Jason, and another Mirror Adrian. Mirror Jason tells Benny how much he needs her and Mirror Adrian says she should be with him since he's the father of her baby. Both ask for a kiss.

Me: Seriously, Jason is downright sexy at this point. (looks at Tim) It's a girl thing, okay! You guys get your companions and Benny. Until Jason all I had was Adric, Harry Sullivan, and Turlough.

Tim: (As Heamavores) Everyone wants to come into the mirror.

Benny eventually finds her mirror self and learns what's going on. Brax is busy espousing to Carnivel why he cares about Benny and not Jason or Adrian. Carnivel calls him "Cardinal Braxiatel". After destroying Carnivel Brax decides to save Jason.

Adrian wakes up to a mirror version of himself showing up.

Tim: It's pop up video.

Jason figures it all out regarding Brax's dark nature. Jason reminds him he was off in the alternate dimension after Dellah was destroyed so he wasn't there when Brax set up the Collection. Realising he's been rumbled Brax hypnotises Jason into forgetting the last few minutes and to suffer migraines if he gives any serious thought to Brax's ulterior motives. It works but Jason is still intent on destroying to mirror to let Benny and Adrian stay together.

Me: He probably should've added a bit about forgetting about Benny and Adrian.

Benny is trying to convince Mirror Benny not to impregnate her by noting it's not cricket.

Tim: Rape: It's just not cricket.

Brax is still trying to talk Jason out of blowing up the mirror.

Tim: (as Brax) I'm not a nice man.

Jason utters a "goddess" as Benny gets knocked up by Mirror Benny.

Me: Is that a double drink for the Benny drinking game?

Tim: I don't know. I guess.

Brax says they have to do something to save Benny and Jason takes this to mean he should arm the explosives. Tim finishes up the announcement by the explosives that they have five minutes to get away.

Me: That might be the nicest explosives announcement I've ever heard.

Jason gets his first migraine as Brax and Adrian rescue Benny from the mirror. Brax challenges Dr. Phil as he talks sense into Benny regarding where she belongs. They barely make it back to the Collection via another mirror where Jason promptly collapses due to his Brax induced migraine.

Tim: That was one big mind fuck of an audio play.

Me: As as friend once said in regards to Memento "This is fucked up as a soup sandwich on a rainy day."

Tim: Strangely enough I was able to follow that one easier than the others. If David Lynch directed a Benny play this is what you'd get.

Me: Amazing performances all the way around, with Harry Myers and Stephen Fewell really getting a chance to do something a bit different as their mirror selves. We get the beginning of the Dark Brax storyline which gets mined for years to come. This is probably the first audio since Just War that shows just how complex and far reaching Benny audios can be.

Look, here's some stuff we're pimping. It's gotta go somewhere so why not at the end this time for something different? Did you watch the olympics? Are you wondering how London can top China for the opening ceremonies in 2012? Someone has come up with an option. David Tennant lighting the cauldron dressed as the Doctor. Check out the petition here.

A trailer is up for episode three of the ninth season of Benny, The Adventure of the Diogenes Damsel.

Wil Wheaton is the man. Not only does he speak wisdom when he says you shouldn't be a dick, but he's done reviews of the first half of the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes over at TV Squad. He also got an awesome black velvet painting of Wesley Crusher which you can see at his website. No seriously, I can't make this shit up.

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Everything You Wanted to Know About Brax...

...was not written by me. Someone going by the handle of Lizbee on livejournal has done an awesome job of making sense of Brax's timeline here. Check the entire blog out, it's pretty darn good. Not only do they like Brax but they write pretty decent Doctor Who fanfiction and even a story involving Benny. If you like it a lot vote for it here.

You might've noticed we've got a cute little logo now. Thanks to Bob #3 for putting this together. Not bad for his first time using some program called Gimp. It's in its infancy though so expect it to change another time or two as we work towards what I really would love to have for a logo. But for now gaze lovingly at our cute first logo.

Not so cute is an ugly button you might've noticed asking you to be a part of my blog network on Facebook. The button was kind of nasty to begin with and then I made it less nasty through trial and error with code. It is clear though that the year I spent dating a computer programmer in college didn't teach me anything in that department. Ignore its nastiness though and embrace its message. Join us on Blog Networks on Facebook and help further my aim for world domination.

Big Finish has their own forums up and running. That seems to be the place where you can chat with your favorite Big Finish folks like Barnaby Edwards and talk all things audio in nature.

We're still on target for a full session on the 31st of August so tune back later that evening. That's the beginning of a week of vacation so I'm trying to do a Sapphire and Steel session and maybe some more solo stuff.

All Things Stephen

Happy belated birthday to us!

No one ever accused us of being punctual, so we're finally celebrating our one year anniversary a month after the fact. We started the afternoon off with some nice ribeye steaks from the local grocery store and Curve Ball beer from Pyramid, the makers of apricot hefeweizen so fine that it was declared "apricotty!" by Rob Shearman. Curve Ball is a seasonal kolsch style ale with herbal tones in the brew. One of the few beers that Tim and I can both agree on being a rather tasty brew.

That massive squeeing sound you might've heard nearly a month ago was probably from me as the latest round of guests for Chicago TARDIS was announced. Time Team favorites Lisa Bowerman and Simon Guerrier were announced along with long time authors Kate Orman and Jon Blum are now confirmed for Chicago. They join Paul Cornell, Lis Sladen, Colin Baker, Nick Briggs, Jason Haigh-Ellery and Gary Russell Thanksgiving weekend. Not that any of my loyal 30 were waiting on pins and needles, but I'm attending Chicago putting the band back together with Dan and John.

And don't forget to get your tickets for Gallifrey 20 in February. Tickets are currently $45 and I think go up at the end of the month. Along with the whole Time Team about half the active membership of the local Houston Who group we're a part of will also be there.

You can read about Simon Guerrier creating a new audio friend for Doctor Who here and check out some podcasts wtih Paul Cornell here and here.

With the pimping and digesting of steak out of the way we put our first audio in, The Greatest Shop in the Galaxy, the season three premiere for the Benny series.

Tim: We've made if that far already?

Me: Yep.

Benny lodges a diary entry talking about her archaelogy/shoe expedition and spending Adrian's money on things for the baby.

Angelie: (eyes raised wide) Baby?

I pause the audio and give a rundown of how Benny's body got knocked up by Adrian while it was inhabited by a god.

We get introduced to Joggon who's apparently the reincarnated form of Daffy Duck as he's spraying spittle all over the place.

Tim: Say it, don't spray it. At least we're not complaining about sound design.

Benny encounters a Lara Croft style display for selling her books and then realizes she probably needs a book on the local latrines so she can appear to be an expert on the local latrines. In between dealing with Adrian's spiteful credit card she has to fend off the advances of her local host and all leather cow shoes coming back to life.

Me: The ever riveting Benny shoe fetish sequence. Seriously, before this I never knew Benny was a descendent of Imelda Marcos.

Customers start getting killed by the Borvali as if the Borvali are trying to get the last Cabbagge Patch kid.

Angelie: That's what Benny gets for not going to Payless for her shoes.

Then we switch to Joggon having some spittle laden orgasm over things going pear shaped.

Borvali keep on killing people and time begins to go all wibbley wobbley as Benny and Keelor end up back in time, meeting Keelor's grandfather. They survive a Borvali attack and end up in the Borvali grocery store that serves humans in various flavors. Benny starts smacking Keelor as he explains the extent to which capitalism is employed. The extent of Keelor's greed is exposed as we learn he's working with Joggon to do an old school hostile takeover of the Gigamarket.

Benny's mothering instincts kick in as she saves a Borvali child. She then slaps Tarband around as she talks him out of killing the child. Apparently Tarband gets off on being slapped around by women as he mentions he might get to like her.

Me: Isn't this like a first season episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation?

Tim: Yeah, it's a bit like a mix between "Yesterday's Enterprise" and "We'll Always Have Paris".

They all keep blowing up as time keeps repeating itself.

Tim: They also put in Groundhog Day.

Benny goes all medieval on the computer complaining about how all she wanted was some shoes to make her feel like a woman. Joggon eventually gets way too happy over the stock market and presumably dies from sensory overload.

Tim: Definitely not a pleasant sound.

Me: Well, we didn't complain once about sound design.

Anglie: No. It was very quick paced.

Tim: We could actually hear what was going on even though it was a bit confusing involving confusing time travel. It didn't drag anywhere.

Angelie: Nope.

After a discussion of whether or not we should go on an ice cream run we move on to Red Dawn, the beginning of the All Things Stephen portion of our belated first anniversary celebration with the return of Stephen Fewell, this time as the villian in this 5th Doctor and Peri adventure. Also showing up is Georgia Moffatt, known to Classic Who fans as the Doctor's Daughter and to New Who fans as The Doctor's Daughter. Also known to New Who fans as the Doctor's Girlfriend, not to be confused with Doctor Girlfriend.

Tim: Seriously? Isn't that kind of incestous?

Me: It is kind of Tom Bakerish.

We quickly encounter the first of many instances of poor casting by Big Finish when it comes to American accents. Peri actually gets to show off her botanical knowledge and that she's learned something along the way.

Tim: At least they mention the American space program as opposed to creating a fake British one like they did during the Pertwee years.

Things happen and eventually the Doctor meets up with the NASA gang.

Tim: Did I miss them getting together?

Me: It happened like two mintues ago.

Tim: And there was no conversation going "Wow! We didn't expect to find any humans on Mars."?

Me: Nope.

We get a stereotypical cliffhanger as it finally dawns on the Doctor they they're gonna run into Ice Warriors on Mars.

Tim: That went by fast.

Me: How often do you hear about Peri being right?

The body count begins as the Ice Warriors shoot the pilot.

Tim: Nice. They used the original sound effect.

The Ice Warriors realize that maybe shooting the pilot was a bad idea and ask that she be brought to some place to heal her.

Me: (as Ice Warrior) And I've heard earth girls are easy.

It takes forever for the pilot to die. Meanwhile Paul screws things up as he takes an Ice Warrior hostage.

Me: The Doctor probably should've called about the ice warrior coming over before he left to go to the NASA craft to fetch Peri.

We get towards the end of the second episode and finally start to get a reason for Webster's actions. Apparently his father's corporation wants to create a breed of Earth Warriors.

Tim: With clamps for hands?

Me: Would that mean they'd drag out the "th" sound?

After smacking Peri around Webster gets the NASA vessel to launch. Which pisses the ice warriors off and they fire missles at the vessel. Earth Girls do it for themselves as they try to take control of the situation, Peri unties the ice warrior and Tanya tries to evade the missles. Missles aren't evaded but Webster is knocked out allowing a moment of peace in the craft which is good since they now have to reland without crashing.

Webster regains consciousness and picks up where he left off, pissing the ice warriors off. One bomb placed near a dead ice warrior's head later and Webster along with Tanya and the Doctor are making a run for the border. Insert some prattling by Webster about placing the metal by the Doctor's chin and threatening to blow his head off.

Me: That's a rather shitty cliffhanger.

Tim: Next time I'll use the real batteries.

Tim figures out what's going on with Tanya about 3 minutes before she does. Insert long winded ice warrior conversations that involve them reading from the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition and The Art of War. The head ice warrior offers himself for the Doctor. Then we get a history lesson on the Brookings Report.

With about ten minutes left we finally get title.

Tim: Look! There's Jennifer Grey.

The head ice warrior ends up dying via the title and that lets the ice warriors drop what sounds like a nuclear bomb on top of Webster.

Me: As good as The Whispers of Terror was by Justin Richards, this is pretty much crap ala' Dragon's Wrath. Honestly, did he blow his wad on The Whispers of Terror? Nicola Bryant really does nothing in this audio that couldn't been given to another character. Fewell, Jezek, and Moffatt do what they can to rise above the script, but when you're given crap there's only so much you can do. Especially Fewell who towards the end is saddled with your stereotypical psychotic villian who basically gets done in by his own lack of morals. Overall a bit of a step back when you compare this to the previous two audios, The Genocide Machines and The Marian Conspiracy.

Tim: I don't think it's that terrible. It started out pretty good and then it just dragged towards the end. I think I liked the first three episodes. They used the Ice Warriors fairly well. They're more interesting in this than in the two Pertwee episodes they appear in. Plus there was no shrill sentient one eyed pickle.

It's on to the second half of the Stephen Fewell double feature as we put on The Green Eyed Monsters, the return of Jason Kane to the audios, not having heard from him since Just War. For those that are interested an early version of the script is up for perusal on Dave Stone's website.

The second season theme returns until Dave Stone messes with the fourth wall and reveals that Benny is listening to a recording to the theme wondering what she was thinking. Benny's trying to record a new diary for Peter until the interruptions begin. Not only does Stephen Fewell return, but Harry Myers does as well as Adrian, who creates a reason to see Benny and give Peter a rather sad fluffy rabbit. Jason shows up and we hit testosterone factor 10 as Jason and Adrian try to become the alpha male in Benny's life. Benny gives them the chance when she gets an offer to investigate and authenticate various artefacts and totems on Goronos IV. She jumps at the chance, dumping Peter off with Jason and Adrian.

Much laughter ensues in the living room as we get the first scene of Jason and Adrian trying to take care of Peter. Then we get background on the Goronos System and an explanation why Benny needs to identify and authenticate certain artefacts and totems. Only Dave Stone would think to pull off a visual gag in the audio medium involving a diaper and make slingblade-esque twins lovable.

Jason tempts fate by mentioning how they've managed to take care of the baby. Murphy's Law steps in when gunmen storm into the room, shoot Jason and Adrian, and steal Peter. Meanwhile Benny is discovering that the artefacts and totems she's investigating are all fake. Lady Ashantra shows Benny that she's got Peter and uses him as leverage for Benny to validate the artefacts and totems.

Angelie: What a bitch!

Tim: She's a big bitch. The biggest bitch in the whole wide world.

Jason throws his weight around to get Peter returned in one piece. Then he throws it around some more to get the Corvette of battle cruisers. We get a tender moment as Jason and Adrian share why they're still pining away for Benny. The day is eventually saved and we some more of Dave Stone messing with things as Benny has to referee Jason and Adrian all through the end credits.

Me: As I've said before, the audio medium is perfect for Dave Stone. It allows him to do his thing without having a broad enough canvas to confuse the audience. And being from the New Adventures era of things along with the creator of Jason he's got an ear for their dynamic and how each character would react. It's definitely nice to see Fewell back who easily slips back into the role of Jason and picks up where he left off without really missing a beat. Same for Harry Myers who gets some nice work to do as Adrian.

We'll return next month with The Spectre of Lanyon Moor, Dance of the Dead, and The Mirror Effect.

Side Trip - U.N.I.T: "Time Heals"

See, I told you I'd put something up one way or the other. I haven't given up hope for a Sapphire and Steel segment, but U.N.I.T's better than nothing. Nothing exotic in the way of food or drink this morning. Just some coffee and waffles. I guess I should be responsible and say it's because it's way too early to drink but really I just didn't go out and buy any beer last night.

As a reminder, Gallifrey 20 is currently taking early registration for the con that happens next February 13th thru the 15th. You might think I'm pointing out the obvious, but some people apparently still didn't know that the paypal link was up and running. No new guest announcements outside of the original release.

Speaking of conventions Chicago TARDIS has added Lis Sladen to its lineup. Or as a generation of male Who fans call her, "Sweet, Sweet Sarah Jane".

The first episode of Benny season 9, "Beyond the Sea", has been released. Also up is the cover for the third audio with guest star David Warner as Mycroft Holmes.

Well, some of you may remember that I did a side trip involing "The Coup" late last year. To bring you up to speed U.N.I.T narrowly avoided getting folded into some new alien fighting deal when The Brig showed the world that indeed aliens are coming to bring peace, love and moist towelettes. You might also remember that I wasn't all that impressed but that I couldn't make up my mind whether it was the writing or the acting. But some guy thought it was neat enough to translate the post into German so it's all good.

"Time Heals" opens with the ever riveting press conference where Colonel Chaudhry is trying to convince the public that the transport of nuclear weapons is actually safe. And of course it all goes pear shaped in a manner of seconds after she's told the public it's safe. Michael Hobbs returns as Francis Currie and I'm sure soon enough U.N.I.T is going to want to rough him up like ISIS did in "The Coup". A quick trip to the scene finds that all the men are knocked out, the CO is missing, and to top it off an alien spaceship has gone missing along with the CO.

Now why the public relations officer for U.N.I.T is second in charge is a bit of a mystery to me. That would be like making CJ Cregg Chief of Staff.... Oh wait, they did that too. Nevermind that rant. U.N.I.T starts to go all CSI for a moment and then Chaudhry complains about having to report to the government and wonders if the day could get any worse. Clearly no one has taught her about Murphy's Law as we then hear a train get attacked.

Ya!!! It's Nick Courtney as The Brigadier as he's trying to enjoy his retirement. No such luck as the phone rings and The Brig has lost some time apparently.

In another story entirely we get some scientists wondering if they've tampered in God's domain. Well, at least the lead scientist is wondering about tampering in God's domain while his assistant is too busy sucking up to him.

It looks like Currie is the only reporter in the whole of the UK. And he's not a very good one as his opening monologue is full of cliches and melodrama. Insert laughter as Chaudhry calls him a responsible journalist. Then insert more cliches as Chaudhry and her underpants gnome complain about journalists being sharks.

Back to the scientists who not only can't believe it's not butter but can't believe they're allowed to play around on a space ship.

U.N.I.T is apparently a bunch of wusses as they need to wear masks as they walk around the numerous corpses. Time has gone all wibbley wobbley as watches stopped after the crash and one of the trains is a good forty miles from where it should've been.

I understand from a budget standpoint the need for small casts, but from a listening standpoint it's a bit of bother as we're stuck listening to numerous one-sided phone conversations or bits with the Brig yelling at the TV. Chaudhry spouts more cliches about government officials and one has to wonder if that's the only way she can talk. Surely one needs a big vocabulary and decent grasp of language to be a press officer. Sadly I haven't seen any of that from Chaudhry yet.

The scientists mess with God's domain again as they use the technology from the stolen space ship to create their own transporter. They create another bit of timey whimey wibbly wobbly this time with all the ATM's spitting out money for no good reason. While rescuing some cops Chaudhry meets up with her new CO, a Colonel Dalton who complains in cliches just like Chaudhry. Apparently they teach British military officers this. Or more likely the writing for this audio is crap.

More bits with the U.N.I.T gang being squemish around the corpses as they've got all bits of stuff welded into their bodies. Man I never see stuff as fun as this at work. We get a odd bit of boy/girl talk as Chaudhry and Hoffman talk about their dating plans or lack thereof. Good to know they're focused on the matter at hand.

Speaking of getting laid the scientists complain about not getting any because they're nerds. Clearly they haven't hung around Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. Then the young one convinces the old one to continue the experiments.

More disasters, more bits with The Brig talking to himself, and more bits with Chaudhry being bitchy to Dalton before we get more bits with Currie being all melodramatic. You've got Nick Courtney but you can't be bothered to put him into a scene with anyone? Whinge and you shall receive as we get at least a phone conversation between The Brig and Chaudhry.

ISIS is still apparently around as young scientist has been working for them and spying on old scientist. U.N.I.T makes it to their lab while another bit of U.N.I.T gets diverted to where a nuclear sub is about to go tits up. Dalton is clearly not a member of Green Peace as he suggests sending the sub out to sea. Back with old scientist dude and apparently the direction was to play the scene bland on his part as he decides to go up in flames in the remnants of his lab after giving U.N.I.T a parting gift.

A cheap bit of deus ex machina as the sub just happened to have a little research vessel that allowed Dalton to survive sinking the nuclear sub. His tagline quickly becomes how it's easier to get shot in Syria than serve in U.N.I.T.

Sadly a great concept but a bit of a crap script that's supposed to be the beginning of a four part series. Horrible use of the cast, especially Nick Courtney. You've got an icon within the world of Who and you relegate him to acting with himself. Also the knowledge that they had a small cast somehow became a hinderance for the writers, Iain McLaughlin and Claire Bartlett. Way too much usage of phone conversations and soliliquays to get around the lack of people. The Bernice Summerfield series has proven time and again how you can do an expansive story with just four people. Which of course makes this audio all the more sadder to listen to because Big Finish had a proven track record of doing things on a grand scale with a small base.

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Happy Birthday To Us!

I'd keep singing but I'm sure there's someone trolling the net for the two old battle axes who own the rights to the song looking for the next person to sue.

Anyway, we're a year old today. Even though it's only been a year we've come a bit of a way since that first night we suffered through Sirens of Time. We've eaten turkey, done special editions, and managed to do one at Gallifrey.

And along the way we've discovered that people that aren't our friends or related to us read this cute adorable little blog. We can't thank you enough for sticking around and following us in our less than frequent gatherings.

I'm desperately trying to get something together this weekend to properly celebrate. I really wanted to commemorate our one year anniversary with the Stephen Fewell double feature, but for like the third time my little plan is getting pushed back. (At least I held off on buying the steaks.) That looks like it'll happen in July now, with any luck.

Never fear though. There's a teeny tiny chance I might get the Sapphire and Steel team back together tomorrow. Stay tuned to this same bat time and same bat channel tomorrow if that does happen.

Oh hell, let's be honest. One way or the other there's gonna be a Time Team post up here by the end of the day tomorrow. I wanted to celebrate with the others, but if I have to go it alone I shall, probably with the UNIT series.

Either way, once again thanks from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us. We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't feel the love.

Did You Miss Us?

We certainly missed you. But we get this month's installment in which means my grand and glorious listening plan for next month's one year anniversary are still rolling. Tim and I go for a little adventure and try one of the many Chinese restaurants in my neighborhood, Jackie Tan's. (Seriously, that's what the place is called.) Curry chicken was okay but the fried pork dumplings were a bit odd. We wash our food down with Sapporo beer.

I've been a tad remiss in my self appointed pimping duties so I'll just knock that out of the way.

Big Finish has announced details on Season 9 of Benny. The first two audios have artwork and trailers up for your perusal. It looks like in lieu of Ben Aaronovitch's Young Benny book we'll be getting a novella involving Benny's adventures with vampires during her lifetime. Not many details regarding the book outside of a title and
the three authors contributing pieces.

Also on the Big Finish front it looks like they're having a summer sale. The link is on top of the section on their website that lists their different ranges.

A couple of months ago Paul Cornell was interviewed at length by the folks at Geek Syndicate. Only a month ago Simon Guerrier was interviewed by Sin Deniz. (And bless you sir for suggesting Bach.)

Miles Richardson pwns me.

No, really.

If you're not on Facebook get on there and join the Big Finish Audio group. He's posted some awesome comments to The Wall of the page and then some equally great photos. One is him with a midget. Those of you that've known me for a long time know of my love for all things midget in nature. This is why he pwns me. Well, that and also a sweet photo of him as a Draconian. Oh yeah, and that whole he's a pretty damn fine actor thing.

Speaking of which we're on Facebook as well in group form. No reposting of sessions there, but I hope that becomes a place for discussion regarding the audios with our loyal readership.

And speaking of Miles Richardson pwning me, not only does he do so on Facebook but we get a extra dose of pwning as our first audio, The Extinction Event is his introductory one as Irving Braxiatel. But first we have to get through a slightly dodgy teaser where something happens to some people somewhere. For once we can't decide if our inability to figure out what's going on is due to another craptastic outing in sound design by Toby Richards or if my home theater system is acting up.

The opening music starts and it looks like they've dropped the lyrics, but the opening is still long.

Tim: What's the point of this if they're not going to shorten it? Maybe they're gonna do the lyrics at the end?

Wow! For once Benny is actually doing a bit of archeology. Or at least being fawned over by a worker who probably has posters of her hanging on his wall. And for someone that's normally digging in dirt she's a bit preoccupied with being clean.

Brax shows up in his own private shuttle and brings the exposition with him as we get the background on an item that's caught his attention. They hop into his shuttle and we decide to blame Toby again for the sound being so bad.

The shuttle lands and Benny begins to debunk the auction items. Brax seems to be sporting a woody as he talks about his stamp collection. Plans are made to skulk about later on.

Me: I doubt Benny is capable of being discreet.

And sure enough Benny stumbles upon an attempted murder of the Ambassador. Brax recognizes the murder weapon as a cube of radiation and asks Benny to hold it.

Tim: It's full of radiation but don't worry.

We get an odd bit with an alien who speaks gibberish that only the auction house woman and Brax can translate.

Me: Did they not want to pay for another actor?

Speaking of which we get another in story reason for Lisa Bowerman voicing another character as the dude that tried to kill the Ambassador says Benny sounds like his dead lost love. He speaks of alien abduction and anal probes until he gets stunned for an hour.

Me: Is Benny trying to invoke the Shadow Proclamation to save Anal Probe Dude?

Tim: Could be.

While Benny is discovering potential war atrocities Brax is acting like Switzerland as he sets up a deal to purchase the Halstead artifacts.

Me: Oh joy, more exposition and conjecture.

The trick with having a character who doesn't speak English gets old really fast. It's nice for a one-off character, but for a character that's a major part of the plot it's insane.

Tim: Let me recap your order, double cheesebruger...

Benny explains to Hulver the reasons for the Collection and the noble reasons why they want his items.

Me: Oh naive Benny...

Tim: Isn't Hulver a middle eastern dessert?

Hulver composes some music.

Tim: He's composing the music that Spock plays in the worst episode of Star Trek? The Enterprise versus the Space hippies?

Benny gets arrested, again. Brax only really cares about getting items for his collection, again. Nice bit of tension as Benny and Brax argue over ethics.

Me: Oh naive Benny.

Tim: So if they kill the Ambassador we don't have to listen to him, right? Stop gurgling!

The Ambassador finally speaks English as we get more exposition and explanation. And we think he's busting out f-bombs every other word as we get lots of "expleted" in his dialogue.

Me: Dave Stone makes this work better in The End of the World.

Things go all Total Recall when a huge window/forcefield is destroyed letting the apparently deadly atmosphere in.

Me: This might be the most sedate fight sequence I've ever heard.

Tim: There was a fight?

All's well that ends well as people are dead, worlds are avenged, auction houses don't get their money, and Brax gets his newest Collection pieces.

Tim: The Ambassador isn't expleted happy.

Brax tells Benny she's a good person and Benny wonders if that's all.

Me: According to your Ursu code it is.

Then we get like the Love Theme from The Extinction Event as we're treated to a harp solo.

Tim: This is like the deleted scene from Dune with Patrick Stewart and his huge instrument.

Me: Can someone turn the Ottmar Liebert off?

End credits roll.

Tim: I was right! Lyrics at the end.

Not much for Miles to really do in this Lance Parkin piece, but what he does get he makes the most of it. The interplay between he and Lisa is the only thing really worthwhile about this audio. A lackluster story made so by way too many sequences of people just standing around and talking.

We determine that Tim was thinking of halva as we switch disks and slip in The Genocide Machine with Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred, written by Mike Tucker. Insert sound of drums tapping here. I get all excited as we hear Louse Faulkner as I had forgotten that this was the introductory audio for Bev Tarrant. And she immediately starts verbally kicking ass.

Tim immediately picks out the Dalek heartbeat.

Me: The Doctor keeps his bookshelves like I do.

Ace wonders what to do with his copy of Bleak House.

Me: Burn it!

After we hear Ace whinge and moan a bit we hear the Daleks/Nick Briggs for the first time. Then we go back to whinging and moaning, this time from the guy working with Bev. Bev's team gets attacked and we get more action than we got in all of The Extinction Event. From the myriad of sound effects in the battle sequence we can tell which series got the quality sound design guys and who got the crap (Toby Richards) one.

We return to Ace whinging and moaning about getting wet.

Me: Is it her time of the month?

Tim: Well, the TARDIS is always in a state of temporal grace. She could be at the time of the month for a long time.

Ace continues to be crabby even after The Doctor gets them to the library. We think it's awesome that they consider The Sun and The Mirror to be classics of the 20th century. The Doctor finds that he's not in trouble, but has managed to get the Head Librarian's underpants gnome in trouble for not noticing the missing books.

Me: Because no one gives a damn about the Alpha Centuarians.

We get what will turn out to be a rare moment of emotion and regret from Bev as she mourns her dead team.

Me: So the Chief Librarian is that dude from that Twilight Zone episode and he runs his library like the BBC in the 70's?

Ghost like voices start to emanate from Bev's dead team and Tim and I do our best "remember the tooth" bits.

Me: This music is very reminiscent of Mark Ayers' era music. At least too me.

Tim: Not enough percussion.

While Ace is rescuing Bev The Doctor is getting all anoraky over the library's wet work data system. The Chief Librarian shows The Doctor a data chair and Tim and I don't get a good feeling as to how this will end.

Tim: (Dalek Voice) We're about to enter the cliffhanger, Doctor!

Ace and Bev make their way back to the Library. Bev whinges and moans about having to climb the mountain since she can't see The Library.

Me: (singing) Climb every mountain!

It takes them less time to climb this mountain than Frodo and Sam do in climbing Mount Doom in the film version of The Return of the King, where they promptly find the Daleks.

Tim: The cliffhanger didn't end quite the way I expected. I was actually expecting them to come out as they were introduced by The Librarian. That would've been predictable. So sorry.

Eventually the Chief Librarian has his turn to whinge and moan as he worries that his underpants gnome is gonna screw around when he should be working. He also bitches and moans about the rain.

Me: bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan. Everyone is just crabby in this episode. Nice, Sylv was able to roll the first 'r' in 'stretcher'.

The Doctor finds Ace and Bev unconscious in the forests and brings them back to The Library.

The real Ace is the prisoner of the Daleks. Ace mentions special weapons and we get excited as we think she might be referring to Special Weapons Dalek. We also can determine when it's either Nick Briggs or Alistair Lock doing the Dalek Voices.

Me: The Dalek said penetrate.

Tim: They do that a lot.

Me: Penetrate?

Tim: Duplicate people. It's like when they can't think of anything else they just duplicate people.

Ace boasts how well The Doctor knows her and won't fall for the Fake Ace.

Me: Umm...how well does he know you?

Tim: I'm sure he will but probably not until episode three.

It takes a while, but The Doctor figures out Ace is a duplicate.

Tim: Well, that happened faster than I thought it would.

Thanks to The Chief Librarian being old and slow The Doctor doesn't make it to the Library in time to stop the Daleks from taking control of it. The Chief Librarian starts freaking out about that thought of the Daleks in the Library.

Me: Is that like Klingons on the starboard bow?

We get the obligatory sequence of the Daleks killing everyone in sight and screaming "exterminate".

Me: Did he just say Skaro?

Tim: He said he'd contact Skaro. Whoever is left there. Maybe it's Skaro 2. Or before Remembrance of the Daleks as far as the Dalek timeline is concerned.

Bev encounters Fake Ace and notes she should pick her friends more carefully in the future.

Me: Oh, Bev, she's not the worse choice you make in the friend department.

The Daleks learn it wasn't such a good idea to try and get at the Library's data without The Doctor as one of their own experiences premature extermination through the interface with the wet work system. They manage to capture The Doctor which leads to another classic confrontation between him and the Daleks. The Chief Librarian gets dragged to the wet work store. He starts whinging and moaning about not being a competent technician and calls upon his underpants gnome to speak up.

Tim: Is that like Radio Shack?

The Doctor lets himself get hooked into the wet work store. The data begins to flow regularly.

Tim: It's important to have a steady data flow. If your data flow isn't see your doctor.

We get another tender moment for Bev as we learn the bloke whinging and moaning on her crew at the beginning of the audio whinged and moaned with her for more pleasurable reasons. Tender moments continue as she encounters the animated corpse of her dead lover.

The Dalek who couldn't handle his data stream keeps running around and keeps sounding like he's enjoying the world's longest orgasm. We try to figure out if this one is being voiced by Sylv. Special Weapons Dalek shows up and is apparently a prima donna, actually refusing to kill someone.

Speaking of killing, The Doctor returns to his body and he's all nine kinds of pissed at the Chief Librarian. Sylv is at his best when he's playing The Doctor being nine kinds of pissed. The Daleks and The Doctor cut off the Chief Librarian's explanation.

Me: Shut up asshat!

Things start to come to a head as the Chief Librarian's underpants gnome is killed along with Fake Ace. Madcap hilarity for the audience ensues as The Doctor and Ace fool the Daleks with a bad bit of acting. Meanwhile Special Weapons Dalek is all like "screw you, I don't feel like killing today." He finally gets into the killing mood when Ace starts leaving nitro-9 presents all over the Library.

While Mike Tucker wouldn't have been my first choice for writing a Dalek audio he does a wonderful job. He's got a great grasp on the Seventh Doctor and Ace which finds a perfect outlet in audio form. Much like Miles in The Extinction Event Louise Faulkner doesn't get much to do, but hits it out of the park. For me at least the one drawback was the Chief Librarian who was a little too whiny for my taste.

Tim: And the moral of the story is to keep reading, kids! You don't have to commit genocide to gain knowledge. Just go to your local library.

Tonight is a double dose of Miles Richardson pwning in the audio department as we drop The Skymines of Karthos into the player. (Which contrary to the belief of at least one, if not more, is not the return of Stephen Fewell as Jason Kane) It is the return of Toby Richards for sound design which we're not too thrilled with. We are thrilled though with the first appearance of David Darlington composing music.Which manifests itself in a new theme that's ten times better than the previous one. (Though still not as cool as the Jason Kane theme, which really should become the new overall theme for Season 9)

Exposition this time shows up in the form of Benny leaving a long message on Brax's answering machine reading a letter she got from a friend that up to this point we hadn't heard of. It slowly goes from Benny reading the letter to Caitlin actually composing the message and having a less than tender moment with her husband, Michael.

Benny mentions her delicate condition and upon Tim's eyebrows raising well above his glasses I pause the player to explain the bird and bees Bennyverse style.

Constantine and Michael have a bitch fight over the whereabouts of Caitlin.,

Me: Rowr! Saucer of milk, table five. Man, if only the Harris County Medical Examiner's office was this much fun.

Tim: He's got a pin feed printer. Probably dot matrix.

Benny encounters the firefly creatures and she engages in maybe one of the best bits of the second season as she tries to convince the creatures not to kill her. Then she begins what Time Team friend Austin Dave describes as her treating Michael pretty much the same way she normally treats Jason at this point in the timeline. Benny may not be able to drink but we do as we re-engage our participation in the slowly growing Benny Drinking Game as she utters "goddess".

Me: Nice bit when Benny says Jason in all right. I don't know if it was a style choice on Lisa's part or direction from Ed Salt, but it's a nice quick moment of Benny showing concern for him after his return from Hell. Not sure if it's a continuity gaffe though when Michael asks if she's sure Jason's the father or if it's easier for Benny to tell people he's the daddy as opposed to the real story. If anyone can help me lay my hands on The Glass Prison I'd be grateful.

Double wow! An actual nice bit of sound design in Constantine's office right before Benny and Michael show up.

Me: That wasn't entirely bollocks. Maybe they let David Darlington do some sequences. And apparently Caitlin didn't tell Michael that Benny quickly takes charge in any situation she's involved in.

We encounter the possessed version of Caitlin and Constantine and they talk about killing everyone.

Tim: Yes, everyone must die.

Me: Keeps me in business.

Thankfully Michael is concerned about Benny's unborn child because Benny doesn't seem to be as she wants to climb down a mountain and hike eleven miles.

We learn that love does crazy things as Caitlin was apparently behind the fireflies attacking the village in an attempt to let Michael feel like the breadwinner. Benny and Michael make a run for the border when they realize just how much the fireflies want to kill people. Benny eventually goes back and pulls a Doctor trick as she tries to talk the fireflies out of killing people. Nuking the site from orbit sort of works in that it destroys the technology but makes the fireflies a tad pissed. Constantine pulls off a Jedi mind trick and sends the fireflies away.

Me: This might be the best one of the second season. Tight story with just the right amount of action and we don't bitch about the sound design.

If all goes well next month's installment will be our one year anniversary. And to celebrate I finally get my Stephen Fewell double feature as we do The Greatest Shop in the Galaxy and The Green Eyed Monsters from the Benny range and Red Dawn from the main Who line. (In earlier planning of audio listening I would've gotten this double feature in February with Just War and Red Dawn. Better late than never though.) I'm thinking to celebrate the annierversary and the Fewell double feature we should have steaks. Any other suggestions?