Side Trip - U.N.I.T: "Time Heals"

See, I told you I'd put something up one way or the other. I haven't given up hope for a Sapphire and Steel segment, but U.N.I.T's better than nothing. Nothing exotic in the way of food or drink this morning. Just some coffee and waffles. I guess I should be responsible and say it's because it's way too early to drink but really I just didn't go out and buy any beer last night.

As a reminder, Gallifrey 20 is currently taking early registration for the con that happens next February 13th thru the 15th. You might think I'm pointing out the obvious, but some people apparently still didn't know that the paypal link was up and running. No new guest announcements outside of the original release.

Speaking of conventions Chicago TARDIS has added Lis Sladen to its lineup. Or as a generation of male Who fans call her, "Sweet, Sweet Sarah Jane".

The first episode of Benny season 9, "Beyond the Sea", has been released. Also up is the cover for the third audio with guest star David Warner as Mycroft Holmes.

Well, some of you may remember that I did a side trip involing "The Coup" late last year. To bring you up to speed U.N.I.T narrowly avoided getting folded into some new alien fighting deal when The Brig showed the world that indeed aliens are coming to bring peace, love and moist towelettes. You might also remember that I wasn't all that impressed but that I couldn't make up my mind whether it was the writing or the acting. But some guy thought it was neat enough to translate the post into German so it's all good.

"Time Heals" opens with the ever riveting press conference where Colonel Chaudhry is trying to convince the public that the transport of nuclear weapons is actually safe. And of course it all goes pear shaped in a manner of seconds after she's told the public it's safe. Michael Hobbs returns as Francis Currie and I'm sure soon enough U.N.I.T is going to want to rough him up like ISIS did in "The Coup". A quick trip to the scene finds that all the men are knocked out, the CO is missing, and to top it off an alien spaceship has gone missing along with the CO.

Now why the public relations officer for U.N.I.T is second in charge is a bit of a mystery to me. That would be like making CJ Cregg Chief of Staff.... Oh wait, they did that too. Nevermind that rant. U.N.I.T starts to go all CSI for a moment and then Chaudhry complains about having to report to the government and wonders if the day could get any worse. Clearly no one has taught her about Murphy's Law as we then hear a train get attacked.

Ya!!! It's Nick Courtney as The Brigadier as he's trying to enjoy his retirement. No such luck as the phone rings and The Brig has lost some time apparently.

In another story entirely we get some scientists wondering if they've tampered in God's domain. Well, at least the lead scientist is wondering about tampering in God's domain while his assistant is too busy sucking up to him.

It looks like Currie is the only reporter in the whole of the UK. And he's not a very good one as his opening monologue is full of cliches and melodrama. Insert laughter as Chaudhry calls him a responsible journalist. Then insert more cliches as Chaudhry and her underpants gnome complain about journalists being sharks.

Back to the scientists who not only can't believe it's not butter but can't believe they're allowed to play around on a space ship.

U.N.I.T is apparently a bunch of wusses as they need to wear masks as they walk around the numerous corpses. Time has gone all wibbley wobbley as watches stopped after the crash and one of the trains is a good forty miles from where it should've been.

I understand from a budget standpoint the need for small casts, but from a listening standpoint it's a bit of bother as we're stuck listening to numerous one-sided phone conversations or bits with the Brig yelling at the TV. Chaudhry spouts more cliches about government officials and one has to wonder if that's the only way she can talk. Surely one needs a big vocabulary and decent grasp of language to be a press officer. Sadly I haven't seen any of that from Chaudhry yet.

The scientists mess with God's domain again as they use the technology from the stolen space ship to create their own transporter. They create another bit of timey whimey wibbly wobbly this time with all the ATM's spitting out money for no good reason. While rescuing some cops Chaudhry meets up with her new CO, a Colonel Dalton who complains in cliches just like Chaudhry. Apparently they teach British military officers this. Or more likely the writing for this audio is crap.

More bits with the U.N.I.T gang being squemish around the corpses as they've got all bits of stuff welded into their bodies. Man I never see stuff as fun as this at work. We get a odd bit of boy/girl talk as Chaudhry and Hoffman talk about their dating plans or lack thereof. Good to know they're focused on the matter at hand.

Speaking of getting laid the scientists complain about not getting any because they're nerds. Clearly they haven't hung around Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. Then the young one convinces the old one to continue the experiments.

More disasters, more bits with The Brig talking to himself, and more bits with Chaudhry being bitchy to Dalton before we get more bits with Currie being all melodramatic. You've got Nick Courtney but you can't be bothered to put him into a scene with anyone? Whinge and you shall receive as we get at least a phone conversation between The Brig and Chaudhry.

ISIS is still apparently around as young scientist has been working for them and spying on old scientist. U.N.I.T makes it to their lab while another bit of U.N.I.T gets diverted to where a nuclear sub is about to go tits up. Dalton is clearly not a member of Green Peace as he suggests sending the sub out to sea. Back with old scientist dude and apparently the direction was to play the scene bland on his part as he decides to go up in flames in the remnants of his lab after giving U.N.I.T a parting gift.

A cheap bit of deus ex machina as the sub just happened to have a little research vessel that allowed Dalton to survive sinking the nuclear sub. His tagline quickly becomes how it's easier to get shot in Syria than serve in U.N.I.T.

Sadly a great concept but a bit of a crap script that's supposed to be the beginning of a four part series. Horrible use of the cast, especially Nick Courtney. You've got an icon within the world of Who and you relegate him to acting with himself. Also the knowledge that they had a small cast somehow became a hinderance for the writers, Iain McLaughlin and Claire Bartlett. Way too much usage of phone conversations and soliliquays to get around the lack of people. The Bernice Summerfield series has proven time and again how you can do an expansive story with just four people. Which of course makes this audio all the more sadder to listen to because Big Finish had a proven track record of doing things on a grand scale with a small base.

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Happy Birthday To Us!

I'd keep singing but I'm sure there's someone trolling the net for the two old battle axes who own the rights to the song looking for the next person to sue.

Anyway, we're a year old today. Even though it's only been a year we've come a bit of a way since that first night we suffered through Sirens of Time. We've eaten turkey, done special editions, and managed to do one at Gallifrey.

And along the way we've discovered that people that aren't our friends or related to us read this cute adorable little blog. We can't thank you enough for sticking around and following us in our less than frequent gatherings.

I'm desperately trying to get something together this weekend to properly celebrate. I really wanted to commemorate our one year anniversary with the Stephen Fewell double feature, but for like the third time my little plan is getting pushed back. (At least I held off on buying the steaks.) That looks like it'll happen in July now, with any luck.

Never fear though. There's a teeny tiny chance I might get the Sapphire and Steel team back together tomorrow. Stay tuned to this same bat time and same bat channel tomorrow if that does happen.

Oh hell, let's be honest. One way or the other there's gonna be a Time Team post up here by the end of the day tomorrow. I wanted to celebrate with the others, but if I have to go it alone I shall, probably with the UNIT series.

Either way, once again thanks from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us. We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't feel the love.

Did You Miss Us?

We certainly missed you. But we get this month's installment in which means my grand and glorious listening plan for next month's one year anniversary are still rolling. Tim and I go for a little adventure and try one of the many Chinese restaurants in my neighborhood, Jackie Tan's. (Seriously, that's what the place is called.) Curry chicken was okay but the fried pork dumplings were a bit odd. We wash our food down with Sapporo beer.

I've been a tad remiss in my self appointed pimping duties so I'll just knock that out of the way.

Big Finish has announced details on Season 9 of Benny. The first two audios have artwork and trailers up for your perusal. It looks like in lieu of Ben Aaronovitch's Young Benny book we'll be getting a novella involving Benny's adventures with vampires during her lifetime. Not many details regarding the book outside of a title and
the three authors contributing pieces.

Also on the Big Finish front it looks like they're having a summer sale. The link is on top of the section on their website that lists their different ranges.

A couple of months ago Paul Cornell was interviewed at length by the folks at Geek Syndicate. Only a month ago Simon Guerrier was interviewed by Sin Deniz. (And bless you sir for suggesting Bach.)

Miles Richardson pwns me.

No, really.

If you're not on Facebook get on there and join the Big Finish Audio group. He's posted some awesome comments to The Wall of the page and then some equally great photos. One is him with a midget. Those of you that've known me for a long time know of my love for all things midget in nature. This is why he pwns me. Well, that and also a sweet photo of him as a Draconian. Oh yeah, and that whole he's a pretty damn fine actor thing.

Speaking of which we're on Facebook as well in group form. No reposting of sessions there, but I hope that becomes a place for discussion regarding the audios with our loyal readership.

And speaking of Miles Richardson pwning me, not only does he do so on Facebook but we get a extra dose of pwning as our first audio, The Extinction Event is his introductory one as Irving Braxiatel. But first we have to get through a slightly dodgy teaser where something happens to some people somewhere. For once we can't decide if our inability to figure out what's going on is due to another craptastic outing in sound design by Toby Richards or if my home theater system is acting up.

The opening music starts and it looks like they've dropped the lyrics, but the opening is still long.

Tim: What's the point of this if they're not going to shorten it? Maybe they're gonna do the lyrics at the end?

Wow! For once Benny is actually doing a bit of archeology. Or at least being fawned over by a worker who probably has posters of her hanging on his wall. And for someone that's normally digging in dirt she's a bit preoccupied with being clean.

Brax shows up in his own private shuttle and brings the exposition with him as we get the background on an item that's caught his attention. They hop into his shuttle and we decide to blame Toby again for the sound being so bad.

The shuttle lands and Benny begins to debunk the auction items. Brax seems to be sporting a woody as he talks about his stamp collection. Plans are made to skulk about later on.

Me: I doubt Benny is capable of being discreet.

And sure enough Benny stumbles upon an attempted murder of the Ambassador. Brax recognizes the murder weapon as a cube of radiation and asks Benny to hold it.

Tim: It's full of radiation but don't worry.

We get an odd bit with an alien who speaks gibberish that only the auction house woman and Brax can translate.

Me: Did they not want to pay for another actor?

Speaking of which we get another in story reason for Lisa Bowerman voicing another character as the dude that tried to kill the Ambassador says Benny sounds like his dead lost love. He speaks of alien abduction and anal probes until he gets stunned for an hour.

Me: Is Benny trying to invoke the Shadow Proclamation to save Anal Probe Dude?

Tim: Could be.

While Benny is discovering potential war atrocities Brax is acting like Switzerland as he sets up a deal to purchase the Halstead artifacts.

Me: Oh joy, more exposition and conjecture.

The trick with having a character who doesn't speak English gets old really fast. It's nice for a one-off character, but for a character that's a major part of the plot it's insane.

Tim: Let me recap your order, double cheesebruger...

Benny explains to Hulver the reasons for the Collection and the noble reasons why they want his items.

Me: Oh naive Benny...

Tim: Isn't Hulver a middle eastern dessert?

Hulver composes some music.

Tim: He's composing the music that Spock plays in the worst episode of Star Trek? The Enterprise versus the Space hippies?

Benny gets arrested, again. Brax only really cares about getting items for his collection, again. Nice bit of tension as Benny and Brax argue over ethics.

Me: Oh naive Benny.

Tim: So if they kill the Ambassador we don't have to listen to him, right? Stop gurgling!

The Ambassador finally speaks English as we get more exposition and explanation. And we think he's busting out f-bombs every other word as we get lots of "expleted" in his dialogue.

Me: Dave Stone makes this work better in The End of the World.

Things go all Total Recall when a huge window/forcefield is destroyed letting the apparently deadly atmosphere in.

Me: This might be the most sedate fight sequence I've ever heard.

Tim: There was a fight?

All's well that ends well as people are dead, worlds are avenged, auction houses don't get their money, and Brax gets his newest Collection pieces.

Tim: The Ambassador isn't expleted happy.

Brax tells Benny she's a good person and Benny wonders if that's all.

Me: According to your Ursu code it is.

Then we get like the Love Theme from The Extinction Event as we're treated to a harp solo.

Tim: This is like the deleted scene from Dune with Patrick Stewart and his huge instrument.

Me: Can someone turn the Ottmar Liebert off?

End credits roll.

Tim: I was right! Lyrics at the end.

Not much for Miles to really do in this Lance Parkin piece, but what he does get he makes the most of it. The interplay between he and Lisa is the only thing really worthwhile about this audio. A lackluster story made so by way too many sequences of people just standing around and talking.

We determine that Tim was thinking of halva as we switch disks and slip in The Genocide Machine with Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred, written by Mike Tucker. Insert sound of drums tapping here. I get all excited as we hear Louse Faulkner as I had forgotten that this was the introductory audio for Bev Tarrant. And she immediately starts verbally kicking ass.

Tim immediately picks out the Dalek heartbeat.

Me: The Doctor keeps his bookshelves like I do.

Ace wonders what to do with his copy of Bleak House.

Me: Burn it!

After we hear Ace whinge and moan a bit we hear the Daleks/Nick Briggs for the first time. Then we go back to whinging and moaning, this time from the guy working with Bev. Bev's team gets attacked and we get more action than we got in all of The Extinction Event. From the myriad of sound effects in the battle sequence we can tell which series got the quality sound design guys and who got the crap (Toby Richards) one.

We return to Ace whinging and moaning about getting wet.

Me: Is it her time of the month?

Tim: Well, the TARDIS is always in a state of temporal grace. She could be at the time of the month for a long time.

Ace continues to be crabby even after The Doctor gets them to the library. We think it's awesome that they consider The Sun and The Mirror to be classics of the 20th century. The Doctor finds that he's not in trouble, but has managed to get the Head Librarian's underpants gnome in trouble for not noticing the missing books.

Me: Because no one gives a damn about the Alpha Centuarians.

We get what will turn out to be a rare moment of emotion and regret from Bev as she mourns her dead team.

Me: So the Chief Librarian is that dude from that Twilight Zone episode and he runs his library like the BBC in the 70's?

Ghost like voices start to emanate from Bev's dead team and Tim and I do our best "remember the tooth" bits.

Me: This music is very reminiscent of Mark Ayers' era music. At least too me.

Tim: Not enough percussion.

While Ace is rescuing Bev The Doctor is getting all anoraky over the library's wet work data system. The Chief Librarian shows The Doctor a data chair and Tim and I don't get a good feeling as to how this will end.

Tim: (Dalek Voice) We're about to enter the cliffhanger, Doctor!

Ace and Bev make their way back to the Library. Bev whinges and moans about having to climb the mountain since she can't see The Library.

Me: (singing) Climb every mountain!

It takes them less time to climb this mountain than Frodo and Sam do in climbing Mount Doom in the film version of The Return of the King, where they promptly find the Daleks.

Tim: The cliffhanger didn't end quite the way I expected. I was actually expecting them to come out as they were introduced by The Librarian. That would've been predictable. So sorry.

Eventually the Chief Librarian has his turn to whinge and moan as he worries that his underpants gnome is gonna screw around when he should be working. He also bitches and moans about the rain.

Me: bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan. Everyone is just crabby in this episode. Nice, Sylv was able to roll the first 'r' in 'stretcher'.

The Doctor finds Ace and Bev unconscious in the forests and brings them back to The Library.

The real Ace is the prisoner of the Daleks. Ace mentions special weapons and we get excited as we think she might be referring to Special Weapons Dalek. We also can determine when it's either Nick Briggs or Alistair Lock doing the Dalek Voices.

Me: The Dalek said penetrate.

Tim: They do that a lot.

Me: Penetrate?

Tim: Duplicate people. It's like when they can't think of anything else they just duplicate people.

Ace boasts how well The Doctor knows her and won't fall for the Fake Ace.

Me: Umm...how well does he know you?

Tim: I'm sure he will but probably not until episode three.

It takes a while, but The Doctor figures out Ace is a duplicate.

Tim: Well, that happened faster than I thought it would.

Thanks to The Chief Librarian being old and slow The Doctor doesn't make it to the Library in time to stop the Daleks from taking control of it. The Chief Librarian starts freaking out about that thought of the Daleks in the Library.

Me: Is that like Klingons on the starboard bow?

We get the obligatory sequence of the Daleks killing everyone in sight and screaming "exterminate".

Me: Did he just say Skaro?

Tim: He said he'd contact Skaro. Whoever is left there. Maybe it's Skaro 2. Or before Remembrance of the Daleks as far as the Dalek timeline is concerned.

Bev encounters Fake Ace and notes she should pick her friends more carefully in the future.

Me: Oh, Bev, she's not the worse choice you make in the friend department.

The Daleks learn it wasn't such a good idea to try and get at the Library's data without The Doctor as one of their own experiences premature extermination through the interface with the wet work system. They manage to capture The Doctor which leads to another classic confrontation between him and the Daleks. The Chief Librarian gets dragged to the wet work store. He starts whinging and moaning about not being a competent technician and calls upon his underpants gnome to speak up.

Tim: Is that like Radio Shack?

The Doctor lets himself get hooked into the wet work store. The data begins to flow regularly.

Tim: It's important to have a steady data flow. If your data flow isn't see your doctor.

We get another tender moment for Bev as we learn the bloke whinging and moaning on her crew at the beginning of the audio whinged and moaned with her for more pleasurable reasons. Tender moments continue as she encounters the animated corpse of her dead lover.

The Dalek who couldn't handle his data stream keeps running around and keeps sounding like he's enjoying the world's longest orgasm. We try to figure out if this one is being voiced by Sylv. Special Weapons Dalek shows up and is apparently a prima donna, actually refusing to kill someone.

Speaking of killing, The Doctor returns to his body and he's all nine kinds of pissed at the Chief Librarian. Sylv is at his best when he's playing The Doctor being nine kinds of pissed. The Daleks and The Doctor cut off the Chief Librarian's explanation.

Me: Shut up asshat!

Things start to come to a head as the Chief Librarian's underpants gnome is killed along with Fake Ace. Madcap hilarity for the audience ensues as The Doctor and Ace fool the Daleks with a bad bit of acting. Meanwhile Special Weapons Dalek is all like "screw you, I don't feel like killing today." He finally gets into the killing mood when Ace starts leaving nitro-9 presents all over the Library.

While Mike Tucker wouldn't have been my first choice for writing a Dalek audio he does a wonderful job. He's got a great grasp on the Seventh Doctor and Ace which finds a perfect outlet in audio form. Much like Miles in The Extinction Event Louise Faulkner doesn't get much to do, but hits it out of the park. For me at least the one drawback was the Chief Librarian who was a little too whiny for my taste.

Tim: And the moral of the story is to keep reading, kids! You don't have to commit genocide to gain knowledge. Just go to your local library.

Tonight is a double dose of Miles Richardson pwning in the audio department as we drop The Skymines of Karthos into the player. (Which contrary to the belief of at least one, if not more, is not the return of Stephen Fewell as Jason Kane) It is the return of Toby Richards for sound design which we're not too thrilled with. We are thrilled though with the first appearance of David Darlington composing music.Which manifests itself in a new theme that's ten times better than the previous one. (Though still not as cool as the Jason Kane theme, which really should become the new overall theme for Season 9)

Exposition this time shows up in the form of Benny leaving a long message on Brax's answering machine reading a letter she got from a friend that up to this point we hadn't heard of. It slowly goes from Benny reading the letter to Caitlin actually composing the message and having a less than tender moment with her husband, Michael.

Benny mentions her delicate condition and upon Tim's eyebrows raising well above his glasses I pause the player to explain the bird and bees Bennyverse style.

Constantine and Michael have a bitch fight over the whereabouts of Caitlin.,

Me: Rowr! Saucer of milk, table five. Man, if only the Harris County Medical Examiner's office was this much fun.

Tim: He's got a pin feed printer. Probably dot matrix.

Benny encounters the firefly creatures and she engages in maybe one of the best bits of the second season as she tries to convince the creatures not to kill her. Then she begins what Time Team friend Austin Dave describes as her treating Michael pretty much the same way she normally treats Jason at this point in the timeline. Benny may not be able to drink but we do as we re-engage our participation in the slowly growing Benny Drinking Game as she utters "goddess".

Me: Nice bit when Benny says Jason in all right. I don't know if it was a style choice on Lisa's part or direction from Ed Salt, but it's a nice quick moment of Benny showing concern for him after his return from Hell. Not sure if it's a continuity gaffe though when Michael asks if she's sure Jason's the father or if it's easier for Benny to tell people he's the daddy as opposed to the real story. If anyone can help me lay my hands on The Glass Prison I'd be grateful.

Double wow! An actual nice bit of sound design in Constantine's office right before Benny and Michael show up.

Me: That wasn't entirely bollocks. Maybe they let David Darlington do some sequences. And apparently Caitlin didn't tell Michael that Benny quickly takes charge in any situation she's involved in.

We encounter the possessed version of Caitlin and Constantine and they talk about killing everyone.

Tim: Yes, everyone must die.

Me: Keeps me in business.

Thankfully Michael is concerned about Benny's unborn child because Benny doesn't seem to be as she wants to climb down a mountain and hike eleven miles.

We learn that love does crazy things as Caitlin was apparently behind the fireflies attacking the village in an attempt to let Michael feel like the breadwinner. Benny and Michael make a run for the border when they realize just how much the fireflies want to kill people. Benny eventually goes back and pulls a Doctor trick as she tries to talk the fireflies out of killing people. Nuking the site from orbit sort of works in that it destroys the technology but makes the fireflies a tad pissed. Constantine pulls off a Jedi mind trick and sends the fireflies away.

Me: This might be the best one of the second season. Tight story with just the right amount of action and we don't bitch about the sound design.

If all goes well next month's installment will be our one year anniversary. And to celebrate I finally get my Stephen Fewell double feature as we do The Greatest Shop in the Galaxy and The Green Eyed Monsters from the Benny range and Red Dawn from the main Who line. (In earlier planning of audio listening I would've gotten this double feature in February with Just War and Red Dawn. Better late than never though.) I'm thinking to celebrate the annierversary and the Fewell double feature we should have steaks. Any other suggestions?

Gallifrey 20

Ooo...Registration for Gallifrey 20 is up and running. Early registration for the low low price of $40.00 is good until May 15.

And they already have confirmed guests, including Time Team favorite Paul Cornell.

We'll definitely be there.

Will you?

----------------
Now playing: Ben Taylor - Nothing I Can Do
via FoxyTunes

Getting More Dangerous By The Second

Well, I took the plunge and opened up a LJ account for the Audio Time Team

http://audio-time-team.livejournal.com/

For those of you that hang out on LJ a lot this gives you the chance to follow along. All the major posts will be posted there as well, but I hope I'd see our loyal 15 still post here. You guys were our first.

Two Bennys and a Colin

Good afternoon my fine loyal 15. We celebrate our Benny sandwich with the Colin Baker meat with pizza and the latest anniversary beer from Shiner, Shiner 99. Tim enjoys this more than Shiner Black while I'm in the middle regarding this Munich style offering.

We drop The Secret of Cassandra into the player and immediately hear Benny telling people that her friends call her Benny. Which is a good thing since it's a Bernice Summerfield play. Would suck if friends call her Margaret. The joy at seeing the first Adrian Salmon cover is tempered by the sadness that Toby Richards is back doing sound and music design. You might remember we weren't too thrilled with his work on Dragon's Wrath.

Me: I hate it when I get shot out of the water when I fall asleep on my yacht and miss the warship warning me.

Benny whines and moans about probably dying alone and unloved on a deserted island.

Angelie: Shut up.

Me: Well, it's looks like Toby at least passed the ocean portion of sound design school.

Tim: They must've spanked him really hard after Dragon's Wrath.

We get the beginning of a title when Benny wakes up and learns the name of the ship is Cassandra. Benny apparently only drinks gin at certain times of the day as we get a little joke about what a yardarm is. Brennan tries to take control of the ship but gets shot down by the ship.

Angelie: Never try to override the system.

Tim: She (Brennan) is like that guy in the Horror of Fang Rock that caused the ship to ground ashore.

There's a more than pregnant pause as we move scenes to the apparently pivotal eating dinner portion of the audio. For like a minute we hear nothing but sounds of the three of them eating.

Angelie: Gee, there's three of us eating and we don't make that much noise.

All of a sudden the dinner party becomes the missing scene from Albee's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? between Benny teasing Brennan about poisoning the wine and Brennan freaking out like Britney Spears trying to decide if she should go into the courtroom or not.

The sound goes all funny when Brennan talks with her prisoner. I guess it's supposed to show she's in a different part of the ship but it sounds like she's in a metal box and makes it hard to hear the dialogue.

Me: Benny's on sarcastic factor 10 as she recounts all the horribly things going on.

Tim: She likes to do that though. I enjoy when she runs through all the crap that happens to her. I'd do the same but not enough happens to me.

The background music as Colley gives us backstory over plot and the ship being named Cassandra sounds like they're in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe about to see King Friday. Sound design continues to be a bit dodgy as Cassandra helps Benny spring Sheen out of jail.

Me: Um...shouldn't decks of ships have water on them? Isn't that like saying it's cold in an ice hockey rink? Seriously, is that a lawnmower in the background on the ship.

Things go all pear shaped when the guy that Benny rescued turns out to be someone that really doesn't need to be rescued. We all laugh as Colley and Sheen think Benny won't be any problem.

Angelie: Trouble should really be her middle name.

Brennan continues to freak out as Benny tries to get her out of Colley's quarters.

Angelie: It sounds like she's going into labor.

Benny tried to get Brennan to focus on her and not Sheen.

Angelie: See, now Benny's her coach.

The Edward Albee stuff continues as everyone turns out to be various shades of grey. More exposition as we learn about Sheen's true nature and the real reason for Colley helping Sheen. And we get more questionable sound design.

Angelie: Are there seals by the ship?

Tim: Someone is turning a squeaky knob.

We learn that he is a she as we get the real title with Sheen revealing he's Cassandra. Colley talks about how Cassandra couldn't be possible of creating destructive weapons.

Me: Well, she also didn't have a penis before the war started. All I can imagine now is Tim Curry ala' Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Tim: So, when does Sheen go on Oprah?

Angelie: (singing) I know all there is to know about the crying game.

Cassandra the computer transfers the Cassandra now Sheen construct into her system.

Me: See, this would've been the perfect audio to have kd Lang sing the theme song.

We're treated to a samba version of the theme as the audio finishes.

Angelie: This would be perfect for Dancing with the Stars.

Me: Well, this didn't suck like Dragon's Wrath did.

Angelie: No, it didn't. And I stayed awake.

Me: Honestly, the only thing that holds this back is the once again questionable sound design. It's not on the level of Dragon's Wrath, but it's still lacking.

We take a quick break as Tim goes to set his laptop to run a virus scan. Angelie and I both want a karaoke version of Benny's theme. Maybe someone can work on that in time for Gallifrey 20.

After the break we drop in The Marian Conspiracy for the Colin Baker meat portion of this afternoon. We get immediately introduced to Evelyn as she's trying to give a lecture while being interrupted by the Sixth Doctor and his gadget that he can't shut off.

Me: (as the Sixth Doctor) I can't turn it off. It's my microwave.

Evelyn thinks she's got quiet time as she's knitting until The Doctor shows up.

Me: Maybe she's knitting an adipose.

Tim: Only the insufferably English would sing about knitting while they're knitting.

The Doctor takes Evelyn with him to the court of Elizabeth I and she starts to freak out as she's interfering with her ancestor.

Me: Like Marty McFly in Back to the Future?

We decide that Dr. Evelyn Smythe, a historian who likes booze, appears to be the main line's answer to Benny, an archaeologist who likes booze.

Tim: But not as sexy. And older. Think Benny but with dentures.

Evelyn strikes out on her own and stumbles upon a pub that's apparently full of ye olde MILF hunters. While Evelyn is getting the locals drunk The Doctor is making his entrance into what he thinks is Elizabeth's court. And finds himself mistaken for an OB/GYN for the supposed Virgin Queen who's knocked up. The episode ends with The Doctor getting ready to deliver Queen Mary's baby and Evelyn about to be killed by the rabble for supposedly supporting the usurper Queen Elizabeth. We take a quick break and talk about our varying opinions on Murray Gold's music for the New Series.

The second episode begins and Evelyn finds that the MILF hunters are also Elizabeth supporters. She heads off to meet the Reverend Thomas and I wonder if he's like John Thomas. The Doctor speaks with Mary.

Tim: I'm disappointed. I thought we were gonna find out that Mary, Queen of Scots escaped and had Elizabeth beheaded. It's just that they showed up early. I'm over complicating the plot in my head.

We listen in on a discussion on the ethics of burning heretics, the main issue being the it's not ethical to burn one if you're the one considered a heretic.

Tim: This may be the best script so far.

Eventually we come upon the sitcom moment as Evelyn teaches the MILF hunters how to make cocoa and shows them her heart pills. Our initial suspicions of Reverend Thomas being a spy is confirmed when he meets with the Frenchy Bishop. The second episode ends with Evelyn going all Marty McFly again.

We take a break to fix my ice cream needs and go to Culver's, a midwestern Dairy Queenesque restaurant that's slowly migrating to Texas. It's not Carvel, but it's good.

Queen Mary's sidekick tried to hook up with The Doctor and we note it would be like Billy Joel and his most recent wife. Evelyn and The Doctor get reunited, just in time for the Frenchy Bishop to accuse them of poisoning the Queen. Apparently Evelyn's got some frilly lacy things in her bag as she won't let the Frenchy Bishop touch them. They outwit Frenchy by letting the Queen take Evelyn's tylenol and then the Queen rewards The Doctor by hooking him up with her sidekick.

Evelyn learns the hard way that you shouldn't open your mouth when you're a historian hanging out in Queen Mary's court.

Me: Guess it wasn't such a good idea.

We all freak out as the third episode ends with Evelyn thinking The Doctor is her ancestor.

Tim: She's way too excited about this.

Before he can protest his role in procreating Evelyn's timeline the two of them get arrested for treason and stuck in the Tower.

Me: Guess this means he won't have time to father Evelyn's ancestor.

Eventually we learn that Evelyn's ancestors are really The Reverend and the Queen's Sidekick.

Me: Ooo....The Queen was cockblocking her.

Tim: At least it's not The Doctor's child.

We learn that it's not so much fun to burn heretics when you're the heretic about to be burned as the MILF hunters contemplate their fate. Then they get rescued by The Doctor and Evelyn. Evelyn collects them and their families like lost puppies and lets The Doctor whisk them away to a Protestant safehaven. Then she thinks of herself as Peabody with her boy Sherman as she insists The Doctor let her continue to travel with him. All ends that ends well as she offers to make him a chocolate cake and he notes that a piece of cake wouldn't go amiss.

Me: Oh, I don't think he's missed a piece of cake in a long time.

Tim: Well, I think it wasn't until the middle of episode three before we started turning to other things. Go Jac Rayner!

Angelie: Is it Benny time again?

Me: Yes.

Angelie: Yes!

Tim's brushing up on his Scrabble skills to one day hope to challenge Lisa at a future Gallifrey and not have the game end with him in the corner crying as we drop The Stone's Lament. We don't have to listen this time to Benny telling people to call her Benny as we push the play button.

Angelie: Now this is what I'm talking about.

I mention this was written by Mike Tucker and we get all excited. Then we notice Toby Richards returning for his third go around at ruining doing sound design. Another first is the introduction of Harry Myers as Adrian Wall, the Kiloran head of construction on the Collection. Toby seems to like the lawnmower background noise as he uses it to show Benny and Adrian are on a spaceship. There's talk of sex and I pause to explain the events of The Squire's Crystal.

Crappy sound design aside Benny gets some alone time with the creepy house owner, Bratheen Traloor, and he shows her his collection.

Me: Of etchings!

He goes on about how he likes to collect beautiful things.

Tim: Like Benny.

Me: So that makes him the Sultan of Brunei?

Things get freaky as Adrian keeps hearing Benny call for him. Benny's not into Furry as she beats the crap out of Adrian when she wakes up to find him looming over her bed.

Angelie: (regarding the rain sound) It's like they're frying bacon.

More bacon is added to the frying pan as we can hardly hear Adrian and Benny talk about what happened the night before.

Tim: I don't know why this reminds me of a PD James novel. Something about being stuck in a mansion with no one around and a rocky beach nearby.

Me: Could the music and sound effects be any more stereotypical for a story involving creepy things happening in a mansion?

Tim: Maybe they're going through the Big Finish back catalog.

Me: There wasn't much of a back catalog at this point.

Tim: I know.

Traloor offers Adrian some coffee and mentions he'll be in the study with Benny.

Tim: Making out with her.

Traloor then asks how long Adrian has known Benny.

Tim: See?

Traloor has a 2001 moment with his house's computer.

Tim: That's like the most mumbly computer I've ever heard.

Benny bemoans her luck of finding men who only think with their knuckles or balls.

Angelie: Yeah!

House then goes all Hal 9000 on Benny and Adrian. Things get super creepy when we get an in-story explanation for Lisa Bowerman voicing House. House starts to moan and the creep factor goes up.

Tim: So when New Order wrote "Bizarre Love Triangle" was it about this?

Traloor tries to convince Benny he's not all that creepy. And fails miserably.

Me: (as Benny) You don't know anything about me. You don't know about my ex-husband who's trapped in another dimension. You don't know about my body having sex with Adrian without me.

Tim: I don't know where Adrian came from but I like him.

Benny tells House what she wants to hear and in doing so pisses off Traloor. Traloor blames his lack of getting Benny into bed on House.

Me: House was the least of the reasons why Benny won't date you.

I can't decide if the change in House's voice is because it's gone hard light hologram or a case of crappy sound design. Creepiness continues as House eventually shows up in a body composed of the bits of Adrian's workers and Traloor's mind merged with hers. The Traloor/House creature says it's love that's caused everything.

Me: I don't think Hallmark makes a card for situations like this.

We all agree with Adrian when he says the conversation Benny is having with Traloor/House isn't going anywhere. Adrian eventually proves that sometimes it's good to think with your knuckles and balls as he managed to destroy Traloor/House.

Me: I liked this story, even if it was a bit too much of Stephen King meeting 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Tim: I enjoyed it for the most part but the dialogue towards the end was a little too much. I think it could've been about ten minutes shorts and I'd have been happy. I guess the reason why the computer was so mumbly in the beginning was to disguise that it was Lisa doing the voice.

Me: I picked up right away that it was Lisa but I just figured that it was for practical reasons as opposed to being story dictated.

I spend a few more minutes filling in Tim and Angelie in the backstory leading up to The Stones Lament, including the plot of The Twilight of the Gods.

Tim: It's ashame that's not an audio. That sounds fun.

Next month will be The Extinction Event and The Skymines of Karthos from the Benny range and The Genocide Machine from the main Who line.

For The Audiophile In Your Life

Ah, my first post done on my sweet new Toshiba laptop, Joseph. (Yes, I am that pathetic for those of you who are probably right in your thought as to where the name comes from.)

For those of you that won't want to read me nattering on about my love of all things soundwise I will say that the main Team will get together this Sunday to listen to The Marian Conspiracy from the main Who range and from the Benny range we'll be doing The Secret of Cassandra and The Stones Lament. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but you might've noticed a little widget that says "Chat with Daphnekowalski". If I feel adventurous enough and if any of our loyal 15 feel the same I might have my chat client open as we're doing our thing. Think of it as a chance to join the Team in a virtual capacity. Listen along, comment, and if you want I might include your witty comment in the official entry.

With the pimping done now all of you who just want to read me wax poetic about sound design can start reading. If you read the post regarding Dragon's Wrath from the last full Team session you might remember that we were all so horribly traumatized by the sound design in that audio that I said I might pop in Crystal of Cantus since that didn't suck. I followed through with that promise and later on the evening I listened to that one again.

My friends will tell you I'm a bit of an audiophile/audio snob. As background, for me at least the Time Team sessions are a departure from the norm because I normally listen to the audios with headphones. I either use my Sony dynamic stereo model MDR-V600 or Sony dynamic stereo professional model MDR-7506. I own a 20+ year old functioning turntable with the $100+ needle. My jury rigged 5.1 setup in my living room uses Bose bookshelf speakers. I refuse to buy an iPod until I can find an earlier model that will allow me to drop the Rockbox firmware on it, therby allowing me to listen to the various bits in my music library that are in the flac format. When I do burn audio onto one of my two mp3 players I normally do it at 320kbps.

Crystal of Cantus succeeds on every level of sound design that Dragon's Wrath so spectacularly failed on. As was talked about in the entry for Dragon's Wrath the sound editor couldn't even master the basic concept of making sure two people sound like they're having a conversation in the same room. While the story for Cantus is simply put, brilliant, what really brings me back to it is that just about every time I listen to it I hear something new.

And this is where the paragraph where I talk about my toys comes into play. I've listened to that audio on just about every system/option I have that allows me to play a CD. These include the CD player in my old desktop, my JVC DVD player, the Creative ZenV mp3 player, and even the old school Pioneer laserdisc player. (Yeah, I've got that too. Drop me a line if you know a place where I don't have to sell my first born to get some laserdiscs.)

Cantus is so layered and complex that I find a new reason to get all giggly about it the first time I play it in a new player. Especially the moments where you're moving from one scene to another are just an acoustic treasure. At this point you're probably going, "Oh come on, Redo. Any monkey can fade up one sound and fade down another in a scene transition." As a monkey that used to do a bit of audio/sound work when I was in college and right when I first graduated (sound forge) it's not as easy as it sounds. (no pun intended) You have to resist the temptation to fill every empty space with sound. You don't want your background elements to overpower the audio and at the same time you of course want your audience to get some semblance of atmosphere to help place your characters in context with their surroundings. Take a listen to Dragon's Wrath if you think I'm full of it.

What ultimately prompted the desire to do a post like this was that I was listening to Crystal of Cantus on the Creative ZenV using plain jane RCA ear buds. Normally I don't use the ear buds because I've yet to find a pair that don't hurt my ears in a couple of hours, but I thought it would look a bit silly if I had the huge headphones attached to the itty bitty mp3 player. Without spoiling the story itself I get to the point where Benny and Jason get split up. As our heroes are encountering the horror in the hospital ward we subtly shift to the perspective of a character that's watching them via monitors. We're shifting from one character's horror at discovering what's going on and for the first time that I can remember I catch that on the audio side the transition is being by not only changing how the character's voices sound but the character watching is humming a tune that sadistically fits the situation. (Blimey! That might win run-on sentence of the year.)

Again, it's rather subtle and I probably wouldn't have caught it if hadn't already listened to this audio over twenty times. It's indicative about what I love so much about this release from Big Finish though. I thought I had heard all the little audio tidbits that there were to be heard, but I was pleasantly proven wrong. And ultimately that's why this audio always ranks in my top 5 of all time.

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Now playing: Ben Taylor - Someday Soon
via FoxyTunes